Unveiling Radiance - Part 2, Heaven Presses In

Today I stumbled on Sand in the Gears, the blog of Tony Woodlief, a writer.  He lost his little daughter a few years ago and shares some of the story in his posts.  It makes me cry.

He said this:
"Heaven is here...when we are taught how the gates of hell cannot prevail against it, this is not because hell presses against heaven, but because heaven pressed into hell. 

Heaven presses into hell, and this is why you get up and breathe again when you’d rather not, because even when you are in hell, grace comes to you. Especially in hell."

We try to protect ourselves from suffering, from pain.  Somewhere in the back of my mind was this belief that if I did what God wanted, if I followed the rules and was good and nice, then suffering would pass me by like the Angel of Death in Egypt.  I would be spared.

But I was not spared and life became hell.  Day after day, a living hell.  Nothing got better, it only got worse.  

I went for walks in the evening after dinner, needing to get out, get away and breathe. I walked and poured out my heart to the God who walked with me.  An old hymn from childhood came to mind and I would sing "Be Thou My Vision" to Him, half-praying, half-crying.  I was desperate to see Him, to see this awfulness through His eyes.  And He answered, showing me little glimpses of His heart, giving me hope.

The desert sun would be setting while we walked, the sky ablaze with beauty and color.  I stared at the dazzling sun, my soul drinking in the glory of Heaven pressing in. 

When I walked in the door, returning to the darkness and my private hell, my heart would be quietly lit up with the glory and His peace.  I had what I needed for one more day.