Thursday, April 30, 2009


I'm having an Eyore Day. You know, the kind where you just feel gloomy and low about everything. I'm sure it's a combination of disappointment, worry, fatigue and hormones (sorry, guys!).

Don't bother trying to cheer me up. I'm going to embrace my Eyore-ness to the fullest. Just plain revel in the dismal landscape of my life. Be as pessimistic as I can be.

No, don't quote those verses on joy at me. You'll be wasting your time. If there are any Bible passages to be quoted, let them be from the book of Job. Things like, "My days have passed, my plans are shattered, and so are the desires of my heart." Or "Turn away from me so I can have a moment's joy before I go to the place of no return, to the land of gloom and deep shadow, to the land of deepest night."

(excuse me while I get a box of tissues)

Where was I? Oh, yes -- gloom and deep shadow. Or how about quoting from Ecclesiastes? "Everything is meaningless!" Yeah, what's the point?!

Okay, this is getting boring. I think I'm ready to move on. See, that's the beauty of jumping into an Eyore Day with both feet. Before long, you start bouncing back up again like Tigger. :) I feel that irrepressible bubble of joy moving upward inside of me.

It's hard to stay discouraged when the Holy Spirit is so set on lifting my head and encouraging my heart.

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God. " Psalm 42:5

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Breathless Uncertainty

Some things have changed in my life recently. I've been feeling like I need to move in another direction with work. Since I'm self-employed, that's a bit scary. But things came to a head last week when my ancient computer crashed. The timing couldn't have been more perfect -- depending on how you look at it.

First, it left my main (and sometimes only) client in a tight spot which may negatively impact the future of our working relationship. Then from a financial standpoint, I had no funds to repair my computer, let alone replace it. So I was pretty much at a standstill.

But this has given me the opportunity to re-evaluate things. I've been doing a lot of praying and seeking guidance. At this point, things are still very uncertain. It's like looking through mist -- things are still hazy and shrouded. But it's also kind of exciting.

I came across this quote by Oswald Chambers in "My Utmost for His Highest." It was just what I needed to hear:

Our natural inclination is to be so precise— trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next— that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, “Well, what if I were in that circumstance?” We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.

Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life— gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God — it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” (Matthew 18:3 ). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” (John 14:1 ), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in— but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.

P.S. God provided a new computer for me! It's arriving on Monday. (Lord, You're just so good!)

Friday, April 17, 2009


The other day I was driving with my kids to a friend's house for dinner. I started to hear a slapping noise and the car was acting weird. I realized I had a flat tire. Dang! So I slowed down and pulled into the nearest parking lot which just happened to belong to a Goodyear store. Imagine that!

So we limped to the curb and my kids and I hopped out to ask for help. The young man at the counter grinned while I sheepishly told him my dilemma. Sure, he'd be happy to help!

I followed him outside while he examined the damage. Turns out my tires are all pretty pathetic and need replaced. Who knew? But he was able to patch my worn flat one and didn't charge me a dime. I was thrilled and deeply grateful.

The kids and I piled back in the car and were on our way. Ever since then I've been praying God's blessings on Carlos, my Goodyear angel in disguise. If you're ever in Deland, FL in need of tire service, I recommend Carlos at the Goodyear on Spring Garden Avenue. Tell him I sent you.

"The LORD will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame." Isaiah 58:11

Sunday, April 12, 2009


This Easter morning, the kids and I got up early and drove to the beach to watch the sun rise. We stopped at Dunkin Donuts on the way for some breakfast and hot drinks.

We picked a good spot, then sat huddled under a blanket sipping hot cocoa, nibbling donuts and watching the sun light up the sky while I aloud read the story of Jesus' death and resurrection.

It was simply beautiful.

Later when it warmed up, the kids played in the sand and waves while I read and thought and talked to God. There have been some things I've struggled with entrusting to Him. I know He's wanted me to just turn it over into His very capable hands. This morning, I saw the Lord's heart and I understood why I've been hanging on. I didn't think He cared as much about it as I do. Silly, I know. But that's how we are sometimes.

So I let go.

"If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all -- how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8: 31,32

"Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall. " Psalm 55:22