Surrender is never easy. When God asks me to lay down my dearest treasures and loves, the deepest hopes and desires of my heart, the things I long for and seek after, it feels like dying inside to let go.
There have been countless surrenders large and small over the last few years. I've come to recognize that gentle nudging in my spirit, the Lord's quiet voice asking me, "Will I be enough for you if I take this away?" Every single time my heart cries out "No! How can I lay down one more thing? Haven't You taken enough from me?"
The battle inside can last for days or only a few hours. But each surrender is hard won through tears and groans, the slow unclenching of my hands around that one thing He is asking for. I cannot claim any credit for my letting go. He is the one who initiates and brings my heart through all the turmoil and wrestling to that quiet place of trust saying, "Not my will, but Yours be done."
It's exhausting. The severing of my heart from its secret idols is beyond painful, but in the end it's worth it. I know freedom lies on the other side of the battle. Freedom and peace.
And in the quiet stillness after the struggle, receiving the comfort of One who understands what it means to surrender and lay everything in the dust -- there are no words to describe.
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."1 John 3:16
In His embrace,