I've been pondering the story in John 9 of Jesus healing the man born blind. Something that struck me is that this man had only interacted with his world by touch, taste and sound. But when his eyes were opened and he could see for the first time, everything changed. How strange it must have been! Maybe even overwhelming. All his previous definitions didn't work anymore. I wonder if he had to go up to something and touch it before he knew what it was. His whole way of life was changed in that one moment. Even though I'm sure he was thrilled and excited, yet there may have been times where it seemed easier to go back to darkness than continue to adjust to a new world of sight.
I'm experiencing something similar myself. Some of my long-held patterns of thinking and interacting with people and with God are being changed almost overnight. I'm excited about the changes. But it leaves me with a sense of uncertainty. I don't know how to do this. I mean, it's wonderful. But I don't know the rules to this game. Maybe there aren't any.
Not trying to sound cryptic or mysterious here, but I honestly don't know what to call it. The Lord is doing some deep changes inside of me and it's affecting every aspect of my life. In a good way. But I feel like how that blind man must have felt. I like this. A lot. But I don't know what it is. Freedom? Something more than that? I don't even have a name or a definition.
There's a part of me that keeps trying to go back to the old ways simply because they're familiar. But it's like putting on clothes you wore when you were 10 -- they don't fit anymore.
I'm sure that as we go along, the Lord will give clarity and understanding. I get the sense that He's enjoying this very much. It's something He's been waiting to do for me. He's changing our relationship into more of an adventure.
"Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us His ways, so that we may walk in His paths." Isaiah 2:3
6 comments:
"But I don't know the rules to this game. Maybe there aren't any." I wonder if that's what you would call 'walking in the Spirit'? Grace? ...following His lead moment by moment.
I love the illustration of the garden used in The Shack...when he was working with the Spirit to dig out that whole section, deep roots and all, to make a place for something new. Beautiful how God works!
Wow, thanks for your blog! It expresses something God has been doing for me these past two years or so. Thanks for putting it into words.
This life is a beautiful adventure if we allow God to take us on it. I fear the unknown but what pleases our God so much is when we trust HIM with our unknowns. And He takes us to places we've never imagined.
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, therefore let us not be enslaved again by a yolk of bondage". (That vere was from memory so it might not be exact.)
Tasha
ron_davis@ntm.org
Becky,
Your comments are always encouraging. So glad you read The Shack -- one of my favorites. I liked the garden chapter too.
Tasha,
Nice to meet you. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
I like that verse about Christ setting us free. Freedom can be challenging and scary, but so worth it!
Angela,
When I read this comment, I thought back to a letter I had written a friend during a time God was changing me. I was reacting to the everything being new and I was a little overwhelmed and frightened.
Your letter reminded me of that.
"Last night was one of those nights. I was so tempted to quit all this work. I wanted to feel safe, to feel comfortable again. I was tempted to walk back just to be in a familiar place again. I feel like my whole life, my whole value system, my whole coping mechanisms, my whole emotional systems have been scrambled and turned upside down only to find out that they rested on deception and untruths. Now, I am trying to be put back together - it is harder than learning a new language and new culture. Some days, I get homesick, tired of learning, tired of change, and simply want to go back to the familiar - no matter how horrible it was. I feel scared like a deer on a flat treeless plain, exposed, without defenses, without any sense of normalness. Dealing with life requires so much thought - what is true, what is not? "Oh, no. I can not think like this, that is what used to be." I still feel a very strong pull to go back. Then I would be at least where I know how to live. That is something very hard to say. These thoughts scare me. I feel like the children of Israel fussing about no leeks and onions, being homesick and scared in their new place. Wanting to turn around, even go back to slavery just to be back to what they were used to. It is a lot of stress in my life with no outward justification for stress, so I find myself acting normally on the outside and struggling on the inside."
Ellie,
I can identify with what you said. That describes some of my emotions about all this. Right now, things seem very upside down. Being analytical by nature, my tendency is to try to sort it all out and organize things neatly in categories with labels so I can make sense of it. Maybe those are just my coping mechanisms, I don't know.
But God is taking me beyond that to simply enjoying this new reality without trying to understand it all. He knows me. And He knows where He's taking me. He knows the kind of adventure I was created for. I'm finding a deep sense of security in that.
My mind struggles with the questions, but my heart is becoming at rest in the wonder of all things made new.
Angela...
Your note in my quiet corner yesterday brough tears.
I see Jesus in you.
He cups you close -- and yes, you RADIATE Him...
I send so much love...
All's grace,
Ann
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