Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Seventeen years ago this coming Saturday was my wedding day.
July 24, 1993.
Yesterday, I reviewed the final draft of the "marriage settlement agreement" for our divorce.
There's not much to settle. We leave the marriage empty-handed, just like we entered it. The only treasures are two beautiful, precious, amazing children and years of memories.
This was not how I wanted it to end. Watching the relationship crumble quickly before my eyes, I fought hard to keep it going, to keep it alive. For 3 long years I waited, praying and hoping, begging God for restoration.
And God restored me.
In a few days, my husband and I will sign a document, just like we did 17 years ago. Then he will go his way and I will go mine.
It's strange, I thought it would destroy me to go through all that I've experienced. I thought divorce would be the worst thing that could happen. Yet here I am on the very threshold and I feel peace. A little sadness. But mostly peace and a sense of anticipation for what God has for me.
I am thankful. Thankful for 17 years as a wife. I grew so much as a person being married to him. I'm thankful for the past 3 1/2 years of heartache. Walking those dark paths, I have learned the faithfulness of God and how deeply the Lord loves me. I have learned to trust.
"Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things.
Who, O God, is like you?
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.
You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.
My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you -- I, whom you have redeemed."
Psalm 71:19-21, 22