If I knew I could, I would...

I'm getting addicted to thegypsymama's 5 Minute Fridays.  There's something freeing about writing on a topic for 5 minutes without holding back or editing.  Come join in the fun.  

GO

If I knew I could, I would:

Set free all those exploited children trapped in the sex trade and carry them to Jesus and see Him heal their wounded souls, hearts and bodies and restore their lost identity.

Adopt a bunch of orphans from around the world, bring them home, hug them and love on them day after day till I saw their eyes light up with joy and the security of knowing they finally have a mama and a home.

Tell everyone I know how amazing they are and all the ways they reveal the fingerprint of God.

Watch the final launch of the Endeavor from the space center.  I'll have to content myself with seeing it from my front yard.  (Still spectacular, just not as close.)

STOP

Okay, now it's your turn.  Go for it!  :-)

Alive

Easter Sunday was more meaningful for me this year because my 88 year old grandmother was preparing to cross over to Heaven.  She'd been in ICU battling pneumonia with complications for nearly a week.  Most of the family was there, saying their goodbyes.  I spoke mine over the phone from 5 states away.

Early in the morning, my kids and I headed to the beach for our Easter tradition of watching the sun rise, eating Dunkin Donuts, and reading the Resurrection story.  I sat on the mat while my kids played in the waves, remembering her life and legacy, and thinking how comforting it is to know that she is going to live with Jesus, the One who made all this possible.  


There is sadness mixed with hope.


"I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies."  John 11:25

When I am weak...

It was a hard night.  Wide awake, I wrestled through my deepest fears and doubts.  

I never chose to raise my kids alone, without a man's help.  It's too big of a job for any one person.  There is so much I don't know about raising my kids well, and even the things I do know, I don't always know how to do them.  I see so many areas that are lacking and need attention.  Most days I am so preoccupied with trying to survive that I fear some key things are falling through the cracks. 

Four years ago, a few days after I learned about my husband's affair, his parents took our family to Sedona for the day.  They were unaware of what was going on between us or how my heart was dying inside.  We spent the day hiking and enjoying the beauty of Oak Creek Canyon.   At the end of the day, as I stood on the hill looking out over those huge red rock formations, God whispered His truth to me."My plans for your life are stronger than those rocks.  They cannot be moved or shaken."  

I clung to that promise through many dark days.

"Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God." Isaiah 50:10

As last night became today, He reminded me that He is a Father to my children.  I don't do this alone.  Just as He's been with me and helped me, He will be with them.  He wants me to simply trust Him.  Peace and sleep came with surrender. 

This morning at my daughter's bus stop, we sat in silence -- too tired to speak.  I remembered my wrestling in the night.  While we waited, God reminded me that it's okay to be weak.  

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9

Counting these gifts of weakness. . .

326.  Tears in the night

327.  Not knowing

328.  Death of my dreams

329.  Heartache

330.  Loneliness

331.  No one to talk to

332.  Sadness

333.  Feeling inadequate

334.  Weariness

335.  Empty

"For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Cor 12:10

In His strength,

On Distance

It's time for 5 Minute Friday with thegypsymama.  This week's theme:  On Distance.

(I confess it's a little unnerving to write for 5 minutes straight about whatever comes into my brain -- just shooting straight from the hip.  But hey, it's Friday.  Time to let loose and live a little.) 

Go

I've lived with distance my whole life.

Saying goodbye to my parents and little sisters at the age of 8, going to boarding school for missionaries' kids, 2 hours flight away from home. 
Saying goodbye to my friends and classmates, flying out to the remote jungle village to spend Christmas and summer breaks with my family.

I spent my most of my childhood at a distance from those I loved.

Physical distance can be hard.  Emotional distance is a killer!

Distance that silently grew between my ex-husband's heart and mine until we became an ocean away from each other.  I fought with all my strength to keep us close but it didn't change anything. 
Now we are as distant as two people could ever be.  But I'm finally at peace with that.

The sad part is this means my children live over 1000 miles away from their father.  Still more distance than anybody would want.

I'm tired of living at a distance from people.  Sometimes it feels safer to keep everyone at arms' length, not letting anyone really in to see me, to see my heart.  But living fully alive means taking steps to bridge the distance, even if it's scary and risky and makes me feel extremely vulnerable. 

God refuses to let distance grow between us, and I'm glad.  He pulls me in close to His heart in the deepest kind of intimacy.  And He's safe, so it's okay. 

Peaceful

"You will keep him in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You."

Psalm 26:3

Thankful for these treasures. . .

316.  Getting in and out of a clothing store in under 20 minutes with 5 amazing bargains. (grin!)

317.  Adorable baby making eyes at me over Sunday lunch -- nothing beats a baby smiling at you.

318.  Delightful weekend with friends

319.  Kettle roasted jalapeno potato chips (addicting!)

320. Hearing my son's favorite new song -- and liking it too.

321. Planting flowers

322. Watching my kids play in the waves 

323.  Lying on the beach, being still, listening to waves, laughter and sea gulls

324.  Catching sight of a huge owl in my tree, then watching him fly gracefully into the night sky.

325.  Enjoying lunch at a bistro with 2 great friends and a rooster -- he even crowed for us!  (No, I wasn't eating any chicken but my friends were -- the nerve of them!)

Peace,

Adventurous

I love hiking through a forest (especially in the mountains.)  You never know what adventures and beauty may await around the next curve in the trail.  

If only I could bring that sense of adventure into my normal life.  Most days I'd like for life to stretch out like a hike through the desert or savannah - where you can see for miles ahead with few surprises.  But I suspect God knows that despite my tendency to play it safe, there is a little adventurer inside me that wants to come out.  She's the one who loves surprises and refused to sneak under the Christmas tree and shake the presents.

There are some bends approaching up the road.  I'm excited and scared at the same time.  God keeps reminding me that He only asks me to trust Him and live today.  And when those bends come, He'll be with me in the next adventure.  


Grateful for these gifts . . .

306.  Brazilian buffet and guarana
307.  Beginning a favorite Mary Stewart mystery
308.  Catching up with good friends I haven't seen in 7 years
309.  A lovely new quilt for my girl's bed
310.  Purple and white alstroemerias & tulips
311.  Getting my laptop back after a 2 day absence (smile)
312.  Nutella on a spoon
313.  A quiet morning spent contemplating
314.  The opportunity to go on a missions trip to Nicaragua (YES!)
315.  Kind words from a coworker


Enjoying the adventure,

Five Minute Friday - Favorite Things

I'm linking up with thegypsymama for her 5 Minute Fridays - where you write for 5 minutes without overthinking or editing -- just for fun and creativity.  This week's topic is Favorite Things. 

Here are few of mine. . .

GO

The smell of earth after a heavy rain.  

Quiet hush of foggy mornings.

Sharing laughter with kindred spirits.

Friendly customer service.

Driving with the windows down on a sunny spring day.

Trying out a new recipe and discovering we all love it!

Sitting in my green recliner early in the morning with a cup of hot something, listening to my Daddy tell me sweet things, leaning my heart on His and just breathing.

Lying on my beach mat, hearing my kids laughing in the waves, looking up into that blue, blue sky and letting my worries and fears drift out with the tide.

I could write more, but my timer went off.  Dang!  

Okay, now I want to go to the beach.  Maybe tomorrow. :)

It's your turn.  Come join in the fun!

TheGypsyMama.com