Held

Some days are just hard. The sadness drifts in and wraps me in its shadow.

Sometimes you just need to be held.

Tomorrow will be better.

Restless

Sometimes
in the normal
ordinary
routine of life,
there arises
from deep within
a restlessness.




My heart catches
the haunting sound
of music
from another realm.

The song
my Lover sings
for me.

It beckons me
drawing me in,
I am captivated.

Turning away
from the visible,
I close my eyes
and glimpse
His unseen smile.


You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you. - Augustine

1000 Gifts

Thankful for these gifts:

• good morning hugs
• words that give life and hope
• mercy
• late night chats with dear friends
• playing Monopoly with a sick boy
• sharing laughter
• orange juice
• electricity
• a loving Presence throughout my day
  
• joy that comes in when you're not looking, and suddenly there it is!

I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God.
Isaiah 61:10

Oasis

Something about the sound of water in motion always brings a sense of stillness and quiet inside of me.

I remember as a child, I would hurry to the dorm after school, tossing books and homework aside and head out with friends to the creek.

There in the shady, green beauty, water gurgling over rocks, I would step my bare feet in the coolness, relax and simply be. Time stood still for a few hours.

"You lead me beside quiet waters, you restore my soul."
Psalm 23:2,3

Life comes in with its pressures, responsibilities, expectations, uncertainties. I feel weighed down by it all.

In one brief moment -- a sound, a picture, a song, a word from a friend -- my attention is caught and I hear the quiet whisper to come, rest and be. Stepping into the rush of Living Water, drinking deep, feeling His cool, refreshing touch bathing my soul in peace, time stands still again. My heart is silent and satisfied.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him." Psalm 62:1




photo by www.forestwander.com

Even though

I wrote this on Sunday morning sitting in church:

09/13/09
"Even though my car is broken and stuck at Walmart parking lot
Even though I have no money to fix it or tow it
Even though I have $1 to my name and that is one I borrowed from my daughter
Even though I have no way of getting the financial resources I need to meet the needs I have this day
Even though my husband wants a divorce and has abandoned me
Even though he no longer helps me or provides for our kids
Even though I have no idea of what I'm going to do and am completely at a loss

Yet

I will rejoice in the Lord and thank Him
I will trust in His holy Name
I will seek His face and put all my hope in His goodness and lovingkindness
I will look in His eyes and trust in His love for me
I will remind myself of His promises
And will have confidence in His Word
He has said that He will supply all my needs.

I put my trust in You, Lord.
You are my God, my Father, my Savior, my Helper, my Provider, my Strength, my Hope, my Beloved.
My heart belongs to You."


Three days later, I sit here with my car in the driveway completely fixed, a kitchen full of groceries, money in the bank and a heart overflowing with gratitude and thanksgiving. Through the kindness and generosity of my small group at church and even through my estranged husband, God has supplied my needs.

"I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13:5,6

Holding on

Two years ago, I wrote this post on another blog. It was a very dark time in my life.

September, 2007

"Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are.

It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened.

But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.

Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?

Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for."
(Lord of the Rings, J.R.R.Tolkien)

There is very little left from what was before. My life seems almost unrecognizable. I have no idea what to look forward to. The shadow still lies heavy over it all and there is no glimmer of sunlight anywhere to be seen. But on the inside, there is light and hope. So in the strength of that, I continue on today. There is some good left in this world. There is much good in those around me. It's worth waiting for. It's worth fighting for.

September, 2009

Two long years and so much has changed. Yet some things remain the same. I am still walking through this forest, but it's no longer dark and terrifying. Light has come in with His sweet Presence and warmed the cold places of my heart.

There is much uncertainty. But the Lord is with me and I trust Him. I cannot see ahead, just the step in front of me. But we walk it together, He and I, holding hands, laughing.

Joy has swallowed up sorrow and grief. Peace has overcome fear. Love has conquered hate.

I keep holding on.

"We wait in hope for the LORD;
He is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you."
Psalm 33:20-22


(Photo courtesy of www.forestwander.com)

Thankful Thursday

I am not a car person. I mean, I like cars. Sure enjoy driving them. But I've never wanted to be bothered with the mechanical side of things. It's kind of intimidating.

Several months ago, I got a flat tire outside of a Goodyear store. (See Tires in April posts for the story about Carlos, my Goodyear angel.) That was when I discovered that I needed new tires.

So I started praying for God to provide. Almost every time I left the house, I prayed over those tires and asked the Lord to hold them together until I could get new ones. And He did.

Then today He provided new tires through the generosity of some really awesome friends.

Look at that tire. Isn't it just beautiful? I am so incredibly thankful! This is how God takes care of us.

Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayers. You are amazing!

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.
The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you
Psalm 116:1,2,5-7

Fearless Giveaway

Tiffany at Tea With Tiffany is giving away this awesome new book by Max Lucado, Fearless. She writes a great review for it on her blog. (Check out her Tuesday post.)

A winner will be chosen on Friday, September 11. So if you're interested in entering her giveaway, hurry on over to Tiffany's and sign up. I'm heading over there myself.

Cloudy with a chance of frog

Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while knows that I am terrified of frogs and toads. So what if they're cute and harmless? I'm still scared and I have good reasons for my fears. (Besides, they're not all cute and harmless. The Colombian dart frog is highly poisonous.)

If you're a frog lover, then I'm sorry. We can't be friends. (Just kidding! We can still be friends as long as you don't show me your pet frog.)

Back in the days when we lived in a desert, life was free of these wet, gross, repulsive hoppers. But now that we're in rainy, humid Florida, I'm having way more contact with them than I like.

Earlier this week, I was getting out of the car after dropping my daughter off at school. As I stepped out, I happened to glance at the rubber seal around the door. There was the ugliest frog I had ever seen, snuggled into the crack of the door, staring at me. I screamed and nearly jumped out of my skin. Thankfully, my hero son was with me and he chased the frog away with a stick while I watched from a safe distance.

I've been wary ever since, carefully opening doors and scanning for intruders before getting in the car. Despite my vigilance, another repulsive hopper (or else the same one) managed to find his way into the car this morning and onto the floor in the front. It's quite possible he was hiding there when we took my daughter to school. (But I just can't bear that thought -- it's too horrible to picture that cold, clammy body right next to my leg! Ugh!)

As my son and I were getting back into the car to take him to school, he noticed the frog on the floor. "Mom, there's a frog in the car!" he said. My memory is a little hazy after that. I think there was some screaming and yelling and running around. But I do remember my hero son trapping the frog under a cup and tossing him out into the yard. That boy has no idea how grateful I am. He may have just saved our lives. I hate to imagine what would have happened if we'd been driving and that thing hopped on me.

Someday I will face these fears and conquer them, and make peace with frogs and toads. But not today.

Sophie

In conversation with my dad, last night, I was reminded again of the power of prayer.

Back in the 1940's, a young woman named Sophie Muller, went to Colombia as a missionary. She wanted to take the gospel to the unreached tribes of the Guainia and Vichada regions, deep in the rain forest.

My dad told me that at some point, my great-grandmother heard about Sophie and began praying for her. Sophie was working with around 7 different primitive people groups -- a huge undertaking for one woman. So my great-grandmother began to pray that God would raise up more people to go help Sophie Muller. She also decided to pray that some of her grandchildren would become missionaries.

God answered both prayers. In the mid-70's, my parents went to live as missionaries with the Piapoco, a tribal group in which Sophie had already been working. (During the 70's and 80's, many more missionaries came to work with the tribes in that region as well, until Marxist guerrillas took over, forcing them out.)

As a child, I was unaware of what a remarkable woman Sophie was. I just remember that my parents enjoyed spending time with her and that every time she came, she always had chocolate bars for us -- a rare treat in such a remote place.

Sophie had many enemies who tried to stop her from teaching about God -- in particular, the guerrillas. My dad shared that one time he was traveling with her in a dugout canoe and outboard motor on the Guaviare River, going home after teaching in some villages. As they headed upriver, they were met by two Piapoco men in canoes who called them over. These men told Sophie and my dad that earlier, they had passed by a group of guerrillas waiting in boats where a small tributary, the Brazo, met up with the Guaviare. They intended to ambush Sophie when she came by and these men wanted to warn her.

After some discussion, my dad and Sophie decided to pray for the Lord's protection and continue on their way. My dad said that he was afraid and he knew Sophie was too, but they had to keep going.

As they neared the merging of the Brazo and the Guaviare, the sky opened up and poured down rain. The rain was so heavy that they could hardly see a few feet in front of them. My dad had to slow down the motor to a crawl in order to see where they were going through the rain and fog that was creeping in. They passed by the area where the guerrillas were waiting without harm. Between the heavy rain drowning out the sound of the motor and the fog shrouding the boat, no one could see them and they made it home safely.

Just one story of many where God answered prayer and kept His servants safe. Sophie continued to work among those tribes until old age and sickness forced her to return to the U.S., where she passed away. After 50 years as a missionary, she left an amazing legacy and many lives were changed because of her faithfulness.

(Side note: Even though many missionaries had to evacuate that region, some, like my parents, have been able to continue working. With the aid of the U.S., the Colombian military has been able to arrest many of the guerrillas in that area, bringing much-needed stability. Hundreds of tribal teens who had been forced to join the guerrillas are returning to their villages, asking for someone to teach them about God.)

Drawn from Water -- Saving Lives

These people at Drawnfromwater.org are rescuing children in Ethiopia. They could use some help.

Drawn from Water from Drawn From Water on Vimeo.