Juggling?

For the record, this woman is not me!

But I think sometimes I expect to juggle all the various roles and responsibilities of a single mom as happily and successfully as she does.  Looking around at the condition of my desk, my house, my pantry, my whatever. . . it's obvious to me that I'm not cut out for juggling.

I've lived most of my life in hiding, ashamed of where I fall short of my own expectations, or what I think other people, including God, expect of me.  The past few years have been a gradual shifting into grace.  


Grace is God coming into the mess and chaos of my life and being with me.  He sees where He will bring His beauty and order and freedom.  He is patient, with wisdom knowing that He is growing me in some areas, leaving others to remain in seed form for now.  


I tend to get frustrated when I see places where I need to grow and change.  I'd like it to happen yesterday.  God is more gracious with me than I am with myself.  He doesn't just see what is, He sees what will be.  And slowly, I'm beginning to see that too.  


This abundant life that Jesus offers is not a juggling act.  Nor is it behavior modification. He grows me from the inside out, working His grace deep into my soul, changing patterns of thinking and beliefs, releasing vision and freedom.  Then gradually, change becomes visible on the outside.   His way produces fruit that lasts -- love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, meekness, self-control, faith. 

I want that.  I'm going to trust Him to make it happen.


He has made everything beautiful in its time.
Ecc 3:11