Monday, April 18, 2011

When I am weak...

It was a hard night.  Wide awake, I wrestled through my deepest fears and doubts.  

I never chose to raise my kids alone, without a man's help.  It's too big of a job for any one person.  There is so much I don't know about raising my kids well, and even the things I do know, I don't always know how to do them.  I see so many areas that are lacking and need attention.  Most days I am so preoccupied with trying to survive that I fear some key things are falling through the cracks. 

Four years ago, a few days after I learned about my husband's affair, his parents took our family to Sedona for the day.  They were unaware of what was going on between us or how my heart was dying inside.  We spent the day hiking and enjoying the beauty of Oak Creek Canyon.   At the end of the day, as I stood on the hill looking out over those huge red rock formations, God whispered His truth to me."My plans for your life are stronger than those rocks.  They cannot be moved or shaken."  
I clung to that promise through many dark days.

"Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God." Isaiah 50:10

As last night became today, He reminded me that He is a Father to my children.  I don't do this alone.  Just as He's been with me and helped me, He will be with them.  He wants me to simply trust Him.  Peace and sleep came with surrender. 

This morning at my daughter's bus stop, we sat in silence -- too tired to speak.  I remembered my wrestling in the night.  While we waited, God reminded me that it's okay to be weak.  
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9

Counting these gifts of weakness. . .

326.  Tears in the night
327.  Not knowing
328.  Death of my dreams
329.  Heartache
330.  Loneliness
331.  No one to talk to
332.  Sadness
333.  Feeling inadequate
334.  Weariness
335.  Empty

"For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Cor 12:10

In His strength,

1 comment:

OliveTree said...

May the Lord bless you and power his power out over you in your weakness. I know what sleepless nights are like, but my worries and burdens are different than yours. We do, however, share the same God who cares for every detail of our lives.

Thank you for your beautiful and honest post.