Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Change

I'm hurting today. Some days are like that. There's just no getting around it.

I put this picture on here because it's beautiful and I need to see some beauty right now. There is solace in beauty. Somehow it comforts and heals and gives hope.

The last six months have felt sort of like I was in a bubble. There was change and upheaval-- but most of it was on the inside. Hidden. The externals have been mostly the same. We've had our routines, our normal.

For some reason, I'm getting the sense that things are going to be changing on the outside. It scares me. I've never been one to embrace change in a hurry. I need to take my time and grieve what was, before letting go and facing the new. Maybe this is God's way of preparing me for what's ahead. It could be amazing. It could be wonderful.

But for the last several years, all the change that happened in my life got increasingly more painful each time. Until the day I moved into this house, each change seemed to take me deeper into pain and loss and distress. It just seemed to get worse every time. Moving here felt like the first positive thing that had happened in ages. I guess it makes sense why I feel foreboding instead of excitement.

There is something freeing about naming this. As if putting a name to what I'm feeling moves it from something gray and nebulous into a neat little package that I can look at and understand. Now that it's laid out there nicely wrapped and labeled, I can hand it to the Lord and say, "Here, You take this." He holds me. He holds my hand and reassures me.

Somehow in the security of His love, I can let go and face the adventure of change with courage and anticipation.

"For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." Psalm 33:20-22.

2 comments:

Becky Aguirre said...

Unless the LORD had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul...the LORD has become my fortress, and my God the rock in whom I take refuge. ps. 94:17-19, 22

O LORD, our God, pour yourself out on my sister today, lay your hands on her bent-down head, raise her up in your hands and show her your love and joy today. Take her hand and keep her feet from slipping...you know the plans you have for her, fill her heart with hope and anticipation at the greatness and fullness of the future, a future that's bright with your holy presence. It is in your Name that I pray these things...Amen.

Love you! Becky

Angela said...

Thanks, Beck. I needed that. And He is answering your prayer.