Today's been a day of inner turmoil and wrestling, and I am weary. But the struggle is over, the fear is finally gone and I'm left with peace.
This journey of trusting God is not easy. Especially when I've spent most of my life afraid. I have legitimate reasons for my fears. People don't become afraid just for the heck of it. There's usually something that causes fear or mistrust.
I used to believe that God got angry or frustrated with me when I couldn't trust Him. How could I not trust Him -- He died for me! Needless to say, that didn't help any. Because then I not only felt just as mistrustful, but ashamed as well.
Thankfully, that has been changing. I've seen enough of God's heart in the last few years that I trust Him to be okay with it when I don't trust Him. He understands why I'm afraid and He knows what He's going to do about it.
Gentleness disarms me.
When I finally stopped pacing and became still enough to look into those eyes of love, I saw such gentleness and truth, and the cold fear began to melt away. Nothing has changed in my circumstances, the challenges remain. But He is here with me, and I am trusting.
"For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you." Isaiah 41:13